Copenhagen, Denmark: Danish Delights and a Dancing Statue

Mr. Knobby arrived in Copenhagen and checked into the Best Western Hebron Hotel, a cozy spot where the staff greeted him with smiles and a plate of complimentary pastries. “These Danes know how to live,” he muttered, crumbs tumbling down his shirt. Refueled, he embarked on a walking tour of the city, marveling at the City Hall with its towering spire and a statue of Hans Christian Andersen that he swore winked at him. “Must be the jet lag,” he grumbled, though he waved back just in case.

Next up was Tivoli Gardens, a whimsical wonderland of roller coasters and twinkling lights. Mr. Knobby, never one to resist a thrill, rode the rickety wooden coaster and screamed louder than the children around him. On Strøget, Copenhagen’s famous pedestrian street, he dodged shoppers while munching on a Danish hotdog—a glorious mess of mustard, pickles, and crispy onions that left him sticky but satisfied.

The Danish National Museum enthralled him with Viking relics, though he spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to fit his head into a replica helmet. At Christiansborg Palace, he whispered secrets to the tapestries, convinced they’d spill royal gossip if he listened hard enough. The Royal Theatre dazzled him with its elegance, and at Nyhavn, he posed for photos by the colorful canal houses, accidentally photobombed by a seagull mid-flight. A visit to the Royal Palace (Amalienborg Slot) had him saluting the stoic guards, who didn’t flinch.

Dinner was a feast of smørrebrød (open-faced sandwiches piled with herring and dill), a hearty stew, and a cold Carlsberg beer that he toasted to “the good life.” Stuffed and slightly tipsy, he waddled back to his hotel, dreaming of fairy tales.

Stockholm, Sweden: Speed, Ships, and Skansen Shenanigans

In Stockholm, Mr. Knobby checked into the HTL Kungsgatan Hotel and was ushered into a futuristic “sleeper” room—a compact pod that made him feel like an astronaut. “Beam me up, Sven!” he chuckled, though he barely fit his suitcase inside. A walking tour of Old Town (Gamla Stan) followed, where he gawked at Stortorget’s pastel buildings and the grand palaces, tripping over cobblestones in his excitement.

At Sergels Torg, he was swept into a sea of people—tourists, locals, and one very confused pigeon. He hopped a tram to Djurgården, rolling through quaint residential areas, and arrived at the Vasa Warship Museum. The massive 17th-century ship, preserved after sinking on its maiden voyage, left him slack-jawed. “I’d have mutinied too if the captain forgot the anchor,” he quipped.

The Skansen Open-Air Museum was a highlight—old buildings, roaming animals, and a stave church that looked straight out of a fantasy novel. Mr. Knobby tried to pet a reindeer, only to be snorted at disapprovingly. His trip ended with a heart-pounding ride on the Arlanda Express train at 220 km/hr. “I’m basically a Viking on a rocket!” he shouted, as the countryside blurred past.

Helsinki, Finland: Meatballs and Maritime Marvels

Landing in Helsinki, Mr. Knobby checked into the Fabian Hotel, a chic spot with a bed so comfy he nearly skipped sightseeing. A Finnair bus ride dropped him in the city center, where he strolled to the Sea Horse restaurant for a plate of Finnish classics. At Helsinki Harbor, he wandered from Linda Line to Viking Line, gazing at ferries and plotting a sea escape he’d never take.

The Helsinki Market Square buzzed with vendors, and he admired the Czarina’s Stone, Daughter of the Baltic statue, and the leafy Esplanade. The Three Blacksmiths sculpture puzzled him—“Why three? Why blacksmiths?”—but he nodded sagely anyway. Carl Ludvig Engel’s architecture, with its neoclassical flair, had him snapping photos until his phone died. Dinner was a simple but divine Finnish meatball meal from a supermarket, eaten on a park bench as seagulls eyed him suspiciously. He capped the day aboard the Viking Line XPRS ship, swaying gently as it cut through the Baltic.

Tallinn, Estonia: Towers, Tunnels, and Tasty Treats

In Tallinn, Mr. Knobby checked into the stunning Hotel Palace, where he spent ten minutes admiring the chandelier before unpacking. The Song Festival Grounds (Lauluvaljak) hummed with history, and at Freedom Square, he saluted The Freedom Monument with a dramatic flourish. The city’s medieval charm shone through its Town Fortification Towers—Kiek in de Kök, the Bastion Tunnels, Maiden’s Tower, and Tall Hermann’s Tower—where he pretended to be a knight until a tourist asked him to move.

The St. Alexander Nevsky Cathedral’s onion domes dazzled him, as did Toompea Castle and the Cathedral of Saint Mary the Virgin. At the Holy Spirit Church, he lit a candle for “safe travels and more hotdogs.” The viewing platforms offered panoramic perfection, and he roamed Town Hall Square, ducking down side streets in the walled old town. Dinner at Clay Hills GastroPub was a triumph—savory, warm, and paired with a local brew that had him humming Estonian folk tunes he didn’t know.

Oslo, Norway: Vikings, Vigeland, and a Very White Roof

Finally, in Oslo, Mr. Knobby settled into the Thon Hotel Opera, steps from the futuristic Opera House. He climbed its white marble roof, slipping once but recovering with a theatrical bow. At Bygdøy, he explored the Viking Ship Museum (where he whispered “Skol!” to the ancient vessels), the Norwegian Maritime Museum, and the Norwegian Open-Air Folk Museum, petting a wooden carving when no one was looking.

Frogner Park blew his mind with Gustav Vigeland’s wild sculptures—hundreds of stone figures in bizarre poses. “This guy had issues,” Mr. Knobby mused, mimicking a particularly contorted statue. The Akershus Fortress & Castle offered history and harbor views, while the Armed Forces Museum and City Hall (Rådhuset) art museum fed his curiosity. A train to Lillehammer brought him to the Maihaugen Museum, Garmo Stave Church, and a serene Gudbrandsdalen Valley farm, where he napped under a tree until a sheep woke him.

Epilogue: A Nordic Legend

Exhausted but exhilarated, Mr. Knobby returned home with a suitcase full of souvenirs—half-eaten smørrebrød, a Carlsberg coaster, and a tiny Vasa ship model. His Nordic odyssey had been a blur of hotdogs, high-speed trains, and historic hijinks, and he’d left a trail of laughter (and mustard stains) across five countries. “Next time,” he vowed, “I’m bringing stretchier pants.” And with that, Mr. Knobby kicked off his mismatched socks and began plotting his next adventure.